I Had a Vision

I have a lot on my mind. It’s not a special ocassion per say, but this time it is different. What’s on my mind? The end of the world…

Today I wanna do something different. No calculated structure. No pre-determined pattern. Just me writing with my heart. Of course I will go back and edit this after I finished but right now, I don't know where this will lead to yet. There is a lot in my mind today. I tried to distract myself with a combination of Youtube, games, gym, movies and even work. Yes you heard me right, work, in the weekend... If only past me could see me now…

So I blinked today, in the movie theater. I mean people blink, a lot... The significance is what I saw in that one singular blink. I saw a vision. I was hovering on the air, eyes all white, weird energy spark coursing through my body. Basically, a super villain. Beneath me, a city destroyed. I simply waved my hand, and more destruction followed.

I get all of that in one – single - blink. It feels like forever. It was as real as if I was there. As a firm believer of every dream or vision has a meaning, an origin, let’s break down this bitch.

I was hovering on the air – the equivalent of flying, but lamer. This could mean that subconsciously, I want to be free. Flying is probably the oldest representation of freedom in movies, and I watched a bunch of movies. This can’t mean anything else beside freedom, I know that much. The question becomes – what do I want to be free from? There are so many elements that is holding me down. To begin with, rules and regulations are the most basic. Then come the social norms, followed by expectations (from people and myself). Or it could be my job, which is starting to bother me a lot these days. Or it could be something else, less grande, much more personal.

An accurate representation of me, minus the red and purple outfit...

Let’s take a look at the surrounding for a second. What did I see? A city, ruined. One of my favorite unattainable dream is definitely to wipe out humanity. I have fantasized about this way too much, there’s no surprised a ruined city shows up in my subconscious. So I guess this part is easy. I wiped out humanity… Or did I?

There’s one last scene – the part where I waved my hand and destroy more stuffs. What does that mean? Why would I destroy the destroyed stuffs? Come to think about it, there was not a single person in my vision. No citizen was walking nearby. No military was trying to stop me. No screaming, running for dear life. Just an empty city.

The answer is clear, it has been since the split second of my blink. I am writing this not because I was confused, but because I am fully aware of the situation which does not make the situation any easier. I want to break up. That was the thing that occupied my mind the entire day: To break up or to keep moving forward. The city represents the relationship. The city was heavily damaged and I was hovering (not flying) - all represent the current situation. Before I waved my hand, the city has already been destroyed partly. I was hovering because it scares me... Although being free is my dream, the city has been nice to me. I grew up in it. I went through thick and thins with it. It has not been the perfect city, but it made me who I am. Then I did it. I destroyed the city. There was no citizen in sight because I wasn’t trying to hurt anybody. My intention was to be free - not to move to other city, not to destroy what I hate… just to be free.

Could I fixed the city with my omnipotent power? Maybe… But my subconsciousness didn’t fix it. But Quanny, this is just something in your head. Surely you would not be dumb enough to use a silly vision as a base for your decision for something as important as 6.5 years relationship? Well, I would and I'm not insane either.

Subconsciousness is the purest form of thoughts – it’s the equivalent of thinking with your soul.Unlike a tangled mind or a taint-able heart, a soul is always pure. Most people nowadays are not happy with their life. They were taught to think with their brain and follow their heart, but never listen to their soul. An insane man is the man who consciously use their brain and/or heart to suppress their soul. I am as clear as I have ever been. If my soul wants destruction, then as painful as it is, the world has to end… What comes next? Nightmare? Regrets? Loneliness? All of the above? Definitely. After all, nothing is free, even freedom. But for once, I'm willing to pay for it.

Quanny Nguyen