True Kindness

I have never been a kind person, not according to the dictionary. Kindness is described as a friendly, generous and considerate action toward other people. While the idea is spot on, the angle which people chose to view the issue bothers me a lot.

Charity - a classic example of kindness.

Here are some examples of the socially approved kindness acts: giving bus seat to women or elderly people, adopt a pet, encourage or compliment others and of course, doing charity. Those might look like kindness, but for me, it is not quite. An extra factor needs to be considerate before determine whether it's an act of kindness or not: the intention.

I gave my bus seats more often than not, I adopted a cat and a dog, I compliment people on a daily basis and also participated in some charity but never consider myself to be a kind person. I was taught as a kid to give women or elderly the bus seat, so I did. Kindness in this case is inspired by fear, fear of social rejection from the surrounding people. The need to socialize also influence me compliment to people. As for my pet adoptions and charities, curiosity was the biggest factor that drove my action. Moreover, charity makes my CV look better (or so I was told). The acts were there but the "friendly", "generous", "considerate" characteristics were not. But isn't acting kind sufficient? Does intention matter? After all, human is defined by what they do, not what they think.

Our actions are heavily inspired by pre-established expectation from society and surrounding people.

A common argument is acts of kindness have a multiply effect. Kind action brings happiness to the giver, the receiver and even the witness. One kind action, therefore, could start a chain of kindness reaction, ultimately fill the world with happy and kind people. This backed-by-science argument proves that the intention is irrelevant, because the action is sufficient. However, there is one thing kind act unintentionally encourage: a sense of privileged. If every men give every women their bus seat, the action will be eventually taken for granted. Giving bus seat is now a social responsibility, and people do not get praised for committing their obvious responsibilities. The giver, who may already unwilling to give, is even more demotivated when they encounter ungrateful people. The magical multiplying effect of kindness is gone, replaced by a mere transferring effect. The sustainability of kindness is now depending on the amount of ignorance versus the amount of grateful people.

On the other hand, imagine a world where people are allowed to commit actions that themselves deemed kind. Without text book and social guideline what a kind person is and should do, act of kindness will be random, vary from situation and people. As long as they are being friendly, generous and considerate from the heart, it is kindness. Friends can fat shame each other into a healthier diet without being labeled a bully. Individuals can show kindness by ending other human's life to stop them from suffering, if permission was granted. Helping your classmate cheat in Math exam, because you feel like the education system is going to wrongly judge this amazing person’s worth based on one unnecessary area, can also be considered as an act of kindness. The randomness of these acts surprised the receiver and that, what makes it sustainable.

Help others and volunteer for social cause only when YOU feel like it is the right thing to do.

Social obligatory kindness is toxic. The predictability of this kindness is creating a false privilege feeling which is slowly killing truly uniquely kind people. Instead of unhappily follow a flaw guideline, people should take initiative and provide helps their way, their style. This is how to build and sustain a true kind world. At the end of the day, performing an act of kindness multiplies happiness. If you are not happy doing it, what will it multiplies?

Quanny Nguyen

#kindness #my2cents